Friday, October 31, 2014

News Weird: October 2014

Florida resident, Melissa Dawn Sellers, was really looking forward to enjoying her leftover spaghetti and meatballs when she discovered her roommate, Carlos Ortiz Jr, had carelessly thrown them out. Understandably, Sellers became enraged and wanting justice to be served, was forced to take the only reasonable course of action before her: dousing Ortiz Jr with nail polish remover and setting him on fire.

NY Daily News: President of Belarus declares country's sausage is free of toilet paper

The President/Dictator of Belarus pridefully told Russian reporters that Belarusian sausage was superior. "Belarusian (food) is of substantially higher in quality. There is no toilet paper in the salami and never was."

Online romance flames out after woman gets stuck inside chimney

Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa, a 30 year old Californian woman, was rescued by firefighters after she became stuck in the chimney of a home owned by a man she had met online. Firefighters had to take the chimney apart to a point they could reach the woman, then used dish soap to lube her up and pull her free.

According to the homeowner, who did not want to be identified, the two went on about six dates before he decided to call it off. Interestingly, it seems this isn't the first stalker like encounter he has had with Nunez-Figueroa. "She seemed totally cool until the first flag was her actually being on my roof two weeks ago," said the unnamed homeowner.

Though I don't know if this is Nunez-Figueroa's first attempt at stalking, but she might want get a new hobby as she doesn't seem very good at it.

The New Tribune: Anti-violence activists charged in vicious attack

In Washington, Pennsylvania two members of the "Stop the Violence" organization allegedly beat a former roommate to the point that he vomited blood and was left unconscious on the street.

Nikole Ardeno and Emanuel Velez believed the victim, Joshua Magraff, had stolen property from their home and retaliated by punching and kicking him until he had seizures. Ironically, the two were arrested a short time later with Ardeno still wearing the same "Stop the Violence" T-shirt she had on the night before at the "Stop the Violence" march she helped coordinate.

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